As I said before, I knew God was calling me to a period of trust and time with Him. I determined it to be about a month, in part because I knew how long I could cover expenses without a job in hand. I haven’t even gotten started yet and I’ve already started off on the wrong foot. I’m putting my trust in my bank account and not God. Looking back, I wish it was the only mistake I made, but as that first month of unemployment continued on I ventured into another mistake, but God used that mistake to reveal to me a big reason why I’m in the season I’m in.
My first week home went pretty good. I was in the word more. Essentially, I doubled my study time and prayer time each day. This was extremely beneficial. Being home also enabled me to spend a bunch more time with my family. Again, it was extremely beneficial. One would think that I would take a hint and continue on, but I have a hard time sitting still and I got extremely stir crazy. After my first full week home, I sparked up the job search again. I justified it because I know the time it takes to onboard someone into a new position, and if I was going to need to work in the next month then I would have to get a job rather quickly. I also was pretty confident I could get a job because of my credentials. After about a day and a half, I garnered a job interview with an insurance company. The hiring manager seemed pretty cool, said all the right things, and I was offered a position. I told him I needed about 3 days to pray about it and make sure it’s the right fit. He said okay. After about two days, I jumped the gun and accepted the position. I should have waited that third day because God probably would have said, “I don’t want you to do it”.
Nevertheless, the next two weeks were spent getting my insurance license. I reverted my prayer and study time back to usual, and, even though I was home, the time with my family reverted too. This was totally not what God wanted. In spite of not knowing that yet, I got my license, signed my contract to work and sell insurance for this particular company, and the excitement of it all…wasn’t there. It should have been a red flag, but I just overlooked it and somehow tried to make myself think that God was orchestrating this. Anyway, here I am in the insurance industry. To say it plainly, it sucked. The schedule was great, because I was able to set when I wanted to work, but being a sales agent is no fun at all. I thought I could handle it, but the more I tried, the more I prayed, the more I didn’t succeed. Making sales calls and trying to solicit for business is just awful. To make matters worse, God had called an end to my complaining when I left my last career, but here I was spending my days complaining yet again. And, being an independent agent there wasn’t a whole lot of people I could complain too so my poor wife took the brunt of it. God, I’m so blessed to have her, thank you.
Nevertheless, the next two weeks were spent getting my insurance license. I reverted my prayer and study time back to usual, and, even though I was home, the time with my family reverted too. This was totally not what God wanted. In spite of not knowing that yet, I got my license, signed my contract to work and sell insurance for this particular company, and the excitement of it all…wasn’t there. It should have been a red flag, but I just overlooked it and somehow tried to make myself think that God was orchestrating this. Anyway, here I am in the insurance industry. To say it plainly, it sucked. The schedule was great, because I was able to set when I wanted to work, but being a sales agent is no fun at all. I thought I could handle it, but the more I tried, the more I prayed, the more I didn’t succeed. Making sales calls and trying to solicit for business is just awful. To make matters worse, God had called an end to my complaining when I left my last career, but here I was spending my days complaining yet again. And, being an independent agent there wasn’t a whole lot of people I could complain too so my poor wife took the brunt of it. God, I’m so blessed to have her, thank you.
After about 5 weeks of this drudgery, I couldn’t take it any more. I wasn’t able to understand why I had such a hard time making sales calls. I’m J.R. I can do anything. For anyone who knows me, you know confidence is something that is definitely not lacking. I also have a list of credentials on why I should be able to do this, but in the end it all meant nothing. On May 6th, I remember this distinctly; I was sitting in my car so unbelievably frustrated when I said, “God, what is wrong with me, why can’t I do this?” It was then I realized that God was humbling me. It says in James 4:6, “But He gives more grace. Therefore, He says: God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble”. I needed God’s grace, but I had some pride issues to work with.
God does not like pride, and I was full of it. The Book of Proverbs is littered with reasons why God hates pride. Proverbs 8:13 says, “The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverse mouth I hate. Jesus says in Mark 7:20-23, “20And He said, “What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. 21For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. 23All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” Being prideful was keeping me rooted in the world. 1John2:16 says, “For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-is not of the Father but is of the world.”
So I left the insurance industry. By God’s grace I was able to recoup my expenses, and I still have to manage the clients I signed up, but I was able to get back on to what God wanted me to do. It says in Psalm 119:67, “Before I was afflicted (humbled) I went astray, But now I keep Your word”. The interesting thing about this is that my pride has been getting challenged since December of 2009, and not just here with the insurance company. When God called me to change careers I immediately thought of how easy it would be because of my long list of credentials. The humbling process should have dawned on me along time ago, because after a year of job searching, I came up empty handed.
The last two months have been such a blessed time of growing in my relationship with the Lord and spending time with my family. As I look at it, this time I’m in is a lot like the time the Jews spent in the wilderness after their exodus out of Egypt awaiting the promise land. Deuteronomy 8:2, “And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” Did I fail the test, yes I did and few times for that matter, but I serve a gracious and merciful God. Psalm 86:13,15, “13For great is Your mercy toward me, and You have delivered me from the depths of Sheol…15But You, O LORD, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth."
Is pride completely out of me? No, I still have edges that need to be smoothed out which is why God continues to put things in my path that bring forth humility. Proverbs 15:33, “The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom, And before honor is humility.”
I will end part 1 with this, Proverbs 3:5-6, “5Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”
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